


all that glitters

by emkat97



Category: Ocean's 8 (2018)
Genre: Angst, Backstory, Childhood Friends, Childhood Trauma, Drug Abuse, F/F, F/M, Family Drama, Flashbacks, Friends to Lovers, Homophobic Language, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Post-Canon, Pre-Canon, Rape/Non-con Elements, Team as Family, many a trigger warning for this baby, she's really messed up okay
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-05-04
Updated: 2019-05-04
Packaged: 2020-02-18 15:11:32
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,293
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18702109
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/emkat97/pseuds/emkat97
Summary: Each of Lou's pieces of jewelry is a puzzle piece. Each one tells a story that creates a picture of her life - what it was, what it could have been, the good, the bad, and everything/everyone in between.(Lou's backstory - pre-, including, and post-canon. Angst and trigger warnings abound.)





	all that glitters

**Author's Note:**

> Surprise, bitches. Bet you thought you'd seen the last of me ;)
> 
> So I just graduated college!!!! And performed in two musicals essentially back to back!!!!! It's been a long long senior year!!!!! But I'm back, with a new fic that has been dancing around my brain essentially since I saw the movie and I'm only writing it now because of a conversation michael and i had about what lou's jewelry means.
> 
> I already love this piece, and I'll be finishing it and then hopefully "those you've known" (which, if you're still waiting, chapter 7 should be up so so so soon i promise!!!!)
> 
> BIG BIG BIG TRIGGER WARNING for this first chapter SPECIFICALLY: There are a handful of references to physical and emotional child abuse, and also a brief scene of rape. The rape scene has its own warning attached with a series of asterisks before and after and a brief sentence at the beginning. I wouldn't have included it if I didn't feel like it were necessary for her character. I love you all, little fandom, and I hope that this very dark turn from me won't impact your ability to enjoy the fic too, too much.
> 
> All that out of the way now, enjoy! And leave a comment when you're done, pretty please <3

**_gold hoop earrings_ **

She was nine years old. She thinks. The years start to blur together after a while.

 

She hadn’t gotten her ears pierced as a baby. Her mother had tried, but the notion was always shot down by her father. Good Christian girls didn’t wear earrings, he’d say, especially not the preacher’s daughter. No daughter of his would mark their body; they were made in God’s image and that is how they would remain.

 

Alice, who was only eighteen when she married the future Reverend James Miller, would nod and smile and agree and turn her attention back to whatever household chore she was currently engrossed in.

 

When Haley turned two, Alice snuck her daughters down to the mall and had their ears pierced. 

 

She’d brushed Lou’s blonde hair to one side and kissed her tiny, rosy cheek. Even as a girl, even as a nine-year-old sitting in a dingy leather chair in a corner bodega, Lou had noticed how glassy her mother’s eyes always looked.

 

She drew her sometimes. She’d take her markers and her notebook and draw her sister, draw the ocean. But she’d always come back to her mother, curly blonde hair, freckles on her neck, and those eyes.

 

“How pretty you are,” she whispered. “My sweet girl.”

 

Lou pushed her hair in front of her ears when they got home that night and avoided the gaze of her father.

 

He’d noticed the glint after her shower that night, and wrapped a tight hand around her forearm.

 

“What have you done to yourself, Louann?”

 

Her mother’s voice came from behind her. “Let her _go,_ James – ”

 

“I want to hear her answer.”

 

“She didn’t do anything – ”

“What are those?”

 

“I took the girls to get their ears done. It’s a rite of passage, you wouldn’t _understand_ – ”

“Wouldn’t I?”

 

Lou, who was still sporting welts on her back from his belt from this time last week, felt her eyes begin to water as her arm went numb.

 

“Take them out,” he growled. “Take them out before I do it for you.” Bunching the back of her hair together and giving a sharp yank, James pushed her in the direction of the stairs, right as Haley came around the corner, teddy bear in hand.

 

“Mommy?”

 

“Haley – _oh,_ Louann, take your sister upstairs. _Now_.”

 

Scooping her up under one arm, Lou got Haley back into bed, then scampered into her room, quietly shutting the door behind her.

 

As she sat on her window seat, she tried to ignore the screaming coming from the living room below, the voices wafting up through the air vent.

 

“...our _daughters_ , James!”

 

“How dare you go against me. Against _God.”_

“James, they are _my children, too._ ”

 

“What will the congregation think?”

 

Alice spit out her words. “The congregation. What would God think of the way you treat your girls? And I know you don’t give a damn what I think, you never _have_ , but I think He would strike you down.”

 

“Alice, shut your mouth.”

 

“You touch either one of them again and we’re leaving. I’m packing our bags and we’re going someplace you will never – ”

 

As the slap echoed through the house, Lou turned her attention to the boy from next door, standing in her yard, tossing stones up at her window. Henry was in her grade at school, and Henry had a knack for knowing just when she needed comfort the most. Henry was quite possibly her greatest friend in the world.

 

The years of watching her mother mumble under her breath had made Lou quite good at lip reading.

 

_Can you come down?_

She shook her head.

 

_Are you okay?_

She shook her head.

 

**_Will you_ ** _be okay?_

She hesitated, then nodded.

 

Henry pressed his index finger to the end of his nose – their secret signal; for what, they weren’t quite sure yet – and Lou did the same.

 

Henry went back into his house.

 

Her mother screamed, her father cleaned up the spilled blood in the kitchen and said ten Hail Mary’s, Haley cried one room over, and Lou stared out towards the ocean.

 

Her mother took the girls’ earrings out the next day, but Lou found the gold hoops in a wrapped box under her bed. She’d seen them on her mother’s dresser in years past. She wondered why her mother never wore them.

 

Her mother didn’t say a word. Her mother’s ribs were broken.

 

And when Lou wore a black eye to school the next month, her mother still didn’t say a word.

 

And when Lou had her arm in a sling as she stood next to her father and the choir, singing “How Great Thou Art” into a microphone, her mother didn’t say a word and Henry sat in the pews with his parents, eyes glued to Lou’s father, looking like he was going to absolutely kill someone.

 

And when Haley showed Lou the bruises on her hip bones after she “felled all the way down the stairs, Annie, I promise, please please please don’t tell daddy”, their mother didn’t say a word because she didn’t know, and Henry didn’t say a word because he didn’t know, and Lou swore she would get them out of there for good one day.

 

She owed her sister that much.

**_silver watch_ **

She wishes she’d gotten it from an Ocean.

 

Stolen, borrowed, “borrowed”, gifted, what have you. It would have felt like an honor.

 

But she wouldn’t meet them until years after receiving the watch as a birthday gift from her father at sixteen.

 

She hated being alone in her bedroom with him.

 

“You need a timepiece,” her father had said, voice low and gruff. “You’re becoming a woman and you need to start taking responsibility for that.” Lou barely understood what he meant.

 

She felt her cheeks flush as his blue eyes scanned her body, fingers pressing into the small of her back and pushing, giving her no choice but to straighten her spine. “Fix your dress.”

 

Lou kept her eyes glued to the floor and pulled the lavender strap back up her shoulder.

 

“Now go greet your guests.”

 

“They’ve been here for three hours, I’ve greeted them plenty of times.”

 

“Don’t disrespect me, Louann. Everyone is here for you. Don’t disappoint me like you always do.”

 

Lou bit the inside of her cheek until she tasted blood.

 

She nodded, glancing at nine-year-old Haley out of the corner of her eye as she hurried down the stairs. Haley, quiet as a mouse, held out a teacup towards Lou and pouted when she waved it off.

 

It was gorgeous in Sydney in June. Lou could appreciate that. It was one of the few things she actually enjoyed about being home. Everything was in bloom and she’d spend as much time out of the house as possible; with her sister, at the beach, running, running, running. Anything to be away from that house. She liked the freedom.

 

Staring at the plethora of family and friends out on her patio, she longed for that freedom more than ever.

 

She made the necessary rounds; an aunt with money, the other girls from bible study, her father’s friends who all stared at her with more than a little interest.

 

She ended up sitting on the very last step at the edge of the patio, pulling her white cardigan tight around her shoulders. Sinking her toes into the sand, she sighed. Why was it that, in a room full of people, she always felt so alone?

 

Some of the other girls from her year came down the steps and moved towards the water’s edge, laughing and talking closely together about one thing or another. Probably gossiping about her. Lou was used to it. There was plenty to talk about, after all.

 

“Penny for your thoughts?”

 

Lou’s eyes flickered up to find Henry at her side, holding out a bottle of water.

 

“You sound like your dad when you say that.”

 

“Oh, gross. No thanks.”

 

Lou laughed. “Yeah. Thought that’s what you’d say.”

 

Henry settled down beside her, the stairs creaking as he sat.

 

“You don’t look like you’re having much fun.”

 

“There’s a reason for that.”

 

“Do you want to come over later? Mom made you a cake.”

 

“That’s nice.”

 

“You know you’re welcome any time.”

 

“Yeah.”

 

“Annie.”

 

“Hmm?”

 

“What’s that?” He pointed down, at the watch, solid and sturdy and heavy on her wrist.

 

“Birthday gift.”

 

“No,” Henry replied with just a hint of aggravation in his voice, “ _that_.” He ran a finger across her wrist and Lou flinched as he touched the dark purple bruise that was spread across her skin.

 

Lou picked at a scar on her ankle. “Fell.”

 

“On what, someone’s hand? Come _on_ , Annie.”

 

“Henry, I fell. That’s it.”

 

“You fall a lot.”

 

“Can we please not talk about this right now? It’s my goddamn birthday.”

 

Henry clucked his tongue. “Ooh, better not let anyone hear you say that word, Louann. Might have to use that Get Out Of Hell Free card I gave you.”

 

“Stop.”

 

Henry took a sip of water. “That usually makes you laugh, you know.”

 

Lou let out a hum of agreement and stared at her wrist.

 

“Hey. Annie. Seriously. If you – can you look at me for like, half a second?”

 

She obliged.

 

Henry cleared his throat and rubbed the back of his neck. “If you’re ever in trouble, you can call me. You’re really important to me and my family and...yeah. You’ll always have a home with us.”

 

Casting a quick glance over her shoulder at her extended family on the patio, Lou shook her head. “I have a home.”

 

“You have Haley.”

 

“Haley is home.”

 

“Haley is _nine._ You need to take care of yourself, not just your sister.”

 

“My sister is my world.”

 

“Well, maybe you need to start opening your world to other people.”

 

As if on cue, a voice came from behind. “Hey, Lou?”

 

Lou and Henry turned in unison as David Kingsley, the indisputable king of their secondary school, walked up from behind them. He was two years older than them and had just graduated not even three weeks earlier; Henry quickly looked away as Lou rolled her eyes at his reaction.

 

She turned her attention back to the boy standing on her left and smiled. "Hi, David."

 

“Hey. I’m heading out, just wanted to say this was a cool party.”

 

“Thanks.”

 

“That dress looks great on you.”

 

“...thanks.”

 

“Yeah, any time.” He smiled. “I’ll see you soon?” Lou nodded.

 

After watching David leave in silence, Henry finally nudged Lou’s arm. “You know he’s into you, right?”

 

Lou snorted. “Yeah.”

 

“Well, if you don’t do something about it, I’m staking my claim.”

 

Lou raised an eyebrow. “Thought you weren’t into him anymore.”

 

Henry shrugged. “It comes and goes.”

 

“Oh? And what about Diane?”

 

“Diane and I made out under the bleachers last Thursday, thank you very much.”

 

Lou couldn’t help but chuckle at the idiotic smile that was plastered on Henry’s face. “Playboy of the year.”

 

“Hey, I can’t help who I’m attracted to. You should know that more than anyone.”

 

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

 

Henry rolled his eyes before tossing his chin towards the girls by the ocean. “Any progress with Marissa?”

 

Lou pulled a package of cigarettes out of her cardigan pocket. “Got a lighter?”

 

Lou had been aware of her crush on Marissa long before she was aware of what it meant to be a lesbian. _Lesbian._ She had tried the word out alone, in her room, in the middle of the night, clutching sheets to her chest and staring up at the ceiling. Whispering it to no one, just to hear the way it sounded when she said it.

 

There were a lot of things Lou didn’t know how to handle, but this wasn’t one of them. Loving girls felt as natural as breathing. She loved it. She _loved women._

Was there the occasional man who caught her eye? Of course. Would she ever pursue said man? No.

 

(Lou would later find out, at age twenty, that life had a funny way of surprising you sometimes.)

 

(But that was neither here nor there.)

 

Henry moved closer, settling his leather jacket around Lou’s shoulders as she shivered in her cardigan, before brushing his thumb across the back of Lou’s hand. “No, I don’t have a lighter, dummy. You need to stop smoking before you kill yourself.”

 

“Keep asking about Marissa and I _guarantee_ I’ll kill myself.”

 

Marissa was the only out lesbian in their year at school, to everyone’s knowledge. Lou and Marissa had been dancing around their mutual feelings for one another since they were eleven and Marissa had kissed her whilst they were studying for a math exam.

 

Marissa had tried to hold her hand. Lou ran home and cried alone in the bathroom.

 

When her mother had asked what was wrong, Lou stupidly, _so stupidly,_ told her the truth.

 

She was beaten so badly, she couldn’t leave the hospital for ten days.

 

It should have frightened her. Supposedly, it should have “fixed her”, as her dad put it.

 

It didn’t.

 

It was around that time that Lou got sick and tired of feeling so _weak_ all the goddamn time. So what if she wasn’t even a teenager? She could take care of herself.

 

Haley on the other hand...

 

Lou had no choice but to stick around.

 

Sticking around means you’re thirteen, showing up to family dinners and hiding the fact that you’re drunk on cheap red wine.

 

Sticking around means you’re fourteen, saying you were going to bible study immediately after class, but hanging around an abandoned warehouse 20 minutes north of Sydney to smoke pot with older kids instead. There’s a twenty-one-year-old with a motorcycle. You ride it with confidence and precision; better than he ever could, even though you fucked up your knee when you fell that one time.

 

Sticking around means you’re fifteen, changing out of your dress in the school bathroom early in the morning and putting on tight, tight leather pants and bright red lipstick, and continuing to tutor Marissa Andrews in math, and letting Marissa Andrews peel those leather pants off you in her Madonna-themed bedroom, and letting Marissa Andrews kiss up your thigh, and doing everything in your power to keep from crying out because Marissa Andrews’ parents cannot catch wind of what is conspiring in that bedroom.

 

Sticking around means you’re sixteen, sitting outside with a watch you don’t want, a best friend who has absolutely too much faith in you, and a bruise on your wrist that’s really starting to hurt.

 

Lou chose her words carefully. “Marissa’s not a thing right now.”

 

“Annie.”

 

“Henry.”

 

“You deserve to be happy, you know.”

 

“I’m _happy._ ”

 

“Are you?” He cocked his head to one side. “Because I can’t keep covering for you. Sooner or later, people are going to find out, and this little double life act you’ve got going on is gonna fall apart. What then?”

 

Lou sighed. “Then...I figure something out, okay? I just...need some _time._ ”

 

“Time?”

 

Lou stood. “I’ll get it figured out. Promise."

 

Henry nodded. He didn't seem convinced.

 

Lou gave him a tiny smile, touching the tip of her nose. “Gonna go smoke. I’ll call you later?”

 

“Yeah. Be safe.”

 

Lou saluted, before tossing Henry’s lighter up in the air, catching it with her other hand. “Thanks for this, by the way.”

 

Henry grasped at his breast pocket. “What the hell, Annie!”

 

“You’re an awful liar.”

 

Lou was quite a ways away when he called after her, “I need that back! And if you’re not gonna wear it, I want my suit back, too. And my jacket!”

 

As Lou walked further and further down the beach, she glanced down at the watch. She hadn’t put any batteries in it. 3:28, frozen in time.

 

Years later, she wasn’t sure why she’d chosen to keep the watch, but she never forgot that number.

 

**_pastel blue suit_ **

****

“Daddy will kill you.”

 

Haley sat on the edge of the bathroom sink, staring at her sister with wide eyes.

 

“That’s why Daddy isn’t going to see me, because I’m sneaking out the back, and you’re not going to say anything. Right?”

 

“Right.”

 

Lou adjusted her collar and drew her eyeliner on just a little thicker. Nodding towards Haley, Lou pointed at the bathroom floor. “Get down. You’re gonna break your ass.”

 

“Swear jar.”

 

“Shut up.”

 

“I like your tie.”

 

“Thanks, ladybug.”

 

Haley let out a dramatic sigh. “Stop calling me ladybug, I’m not a _baby._ ”

 

“You’re ten.”

 

“Yeah! That’s old!”

 

“Shhh. Keep your voice down.”

 

Haley bit her lip. “Oh yeah. Sorry.”

 

“It’s okay.”

 

“Why can’t I come with you?”

 

“Because you’re a kid.”

 

“I’m not!”

 

“Yeah, Haley, you are. You’re not coming, and that’s final.”

 

“You sound like mom.”

 

Lou smoothed her hair back into her ponytail. “I gotta go. You get some sleep, okay? I’ll see you in the morning. Make sure to brush your teeth.”

 

“Annie?” Haley jumped down to the floor.

 

“Yeah, bug?”

 

“When I get tall, do you think I can have a suit like you?”

 

Lou stared down at her little sister before kneeling to be on her level. “Haley, you can wear whatever the hell you want when we get out of here. Sooner than you know. I promise.”

 

“Where are we going?”

 

“We’re gonna get on a plane and go to the states. Just you and me.”

 

“Can mommy come?”

 

“I... I don’t think mommy wants to come.”

 

“Why not?”  


Lou swallowed. She was _not_ about to start crying. “I don’t know, Haley. I think she’s scared.”

 

“Scared of what? Of Daddy?”

 

That Haley even _knew_ that absolutely broke Lou.

 

“Look, bug. I can’t tell you why things are the way they are. But I promise they’ll be different one day. I guarantee.”

 

Haley nodded, a determined glint in her eye. “Go have fun.”

 

Lou gave her a tight squeeze. “I love you so much.”

 

“I love you, too.”

 

As Lou made her way down the stairs, holding her shoes carefully in one hand, navigating around the squeaky floorboards, she took comfort in the fact that Henry and his boyfriend Charles were waiting right outside to walk to the party with her.

 

Crouching by the back window in the kitchen, she waited for the quiet rapping on the window. She was used to this; they had a routine. But that didn’t stop her heart from racing. As calm and collected as Lou could appear to others, she was never quite able to convince _herself_ that she was a badass.

 

The rapping never came.

 

“What are you doing?”

 

Her boots clattered to the floor.

 

Alice stood in the archway separating the kitchen and the hallway, staring at her daughter, nightgown hanging off her frail frame, looking as ethereal as ever.

 

Lou was never able to figure out why her mother always left her dumbfounded. Maybe it was their lack of a concrete relationship, maybe it was because Lou couldn’t remember the last time Alice spoke to her when her father wasn’t in the room, maybe it was the fact that Lou was her spitting image. She wasn’t sure.

 

It scared her. Her mother scared her.

 

Alice approached her, slowly, placing a few of her fingers on the side of Lou’s neck. Lou could feel her pulse going crazy.

 

“Why do you keep doing this to our family?” Alice’s voice cut through her like a knife.

 

“Mom...”

 

“Your father won’t stand for this. Look at yourself. Look at what you’re wearing.”

 

“Mom, _please,"_ Lou said through gritted teeth.

 

“Everything we’ve done for you has been for your own good, do you understand that?” Alice’s voice was flat and monotonous and Lou was struck once again by how cloudy her blue eyes were.

 

She heard herself speak from somewhere far away, voice hoarse and exhausted, grabbing at her mother’s hands all the while.

 

“I’m leaving, mom. I’m taking Haley and I’m _going._ Come with us, _please._ ”

 

Alice clicked her tongue softly, never tearing her eyes away from her daughter’s. “You foolish girl. Where do you possibly think you can go? You’ll get yourself killed.”

 

Lou tried to ignore the tears beginning to pool in the corners of her eyes. “Mom – ”

 

“Stay at home. You’ll be safe here.”

 

Lou could feel the bile rising in her throat. “Like _you’ve_ been safe here all these years?”

 

Alice stared for what felt like hours before finally speaking, quiet and low: “If you leave, don’t bother coming back.”

 

Lou’s hand shook on the doorknob before the voice coming from above made her practically jump out of her skin.

 

“Alice? What’s going on down there?”

 

Alice sighed. “Nothing, James. Just needed some water.”

 

Lou, frozen in her spot, heard Henry tapping lightly on the window, but she couldn’t move.

 

Her father stood at the top of the stairs.

 

“Louann? Is that you?”

 

Lou didn’t make it to that party.

 

And two weeks later, she sat in the back of her father’s car, David Kingsley on her left adjusting his tie and staring out the window, Haley on her right, distracted by a magazine.

 

Pulling up to the curb, James unlocked the door and David pushed his way out, not waiting to hold the door for Lou.

 

Haley gave her hand a squeeze. “Have so much fun!! I wanna hear allllllll about it.”

 

James watched her slide out of the car before saying, “Home by midnight. Not a minute later.”

 

Lou nodded and blew a kiss to Haley.

 

It was a miracle her father even allowed her to go to her final school formal. For whatever reason, Alice hadn’t told him about her attempt to sneak out of the house for one final party, but Lou had a sneaking suspicion he had caught on anyway. He made it quite clear that she would only be going to the dance if he picked her dress and picked her date.

 

The light blue satin, gorgeous as it was, felt too cold against her skin, and every time Lou glanced in David’s direction, his lips would curl into a snarl. Lou could feel her heart sink into the pit of her stomach. It was one thing that her father had set it up, but it was another thing entirely to know that ever since she told David, gently, _so_ gently, that she just wasn’t interested in him in _that way_ , he had been treating her like she was nothing.

 

Lou took a deep breath. It was one night. And it was supposed to be fun. She wasn’t going to let him ruin it.

 

Pushing the door open with one shoulder, she saw David take a swig from his flask and heard him mumble, “Let’s just get this over with.”

 

It was your standard dance, really. The punch bowl that was spiked with vodka (Henry’s doing), the twinkling lights making the entire room shine, the couples pressed together a little too closely for the chaperones’ liking.

 

As David pushed his way through the crowd with Lou on his arm, Lou tried to keep her head down. She could see girls whispering into each other’s ears as they stared, smirking, boys making lewd gestures. Nothing atypical, and certainly nothing she couldn’t handle.

 

Once they reached the bathrooms, David let go of Lou's arm and uncapped his flask once more. “Okay,” he said after taking a long swig, “have a good time. Meet me back here at 11 for pictures or whatever."

 

Lou nodded, and he was gone.

 

For a while, she wasn’t sure what to do with herself. She didn’t have a lot of friends, at least not ones she felt comfortable hanging around with for three whole hours at a time.

 

After two hours of sitting at a table at the edge of the room, engaging in awkward pleasantries with people she barely talked to, and three vodka cranberry spritzers, she felt arms wrap around her shoulders as Henry tumbled into the seat next to her, Charles following close behind.

 

“Annie! You made it!”

 

Lou looked at Charles as he pulled up a chair. “How drunk is he, exactly?”

 

Charles rolled his eyes. “Would you believe he’s only had one?”

 

“Yes, yes I would. Hey. How are you doing?” Lou pushed Henry’s hair out of his eyes.

 

“Me? So good. Really, really good. You – wait,” Henry blinked. “You...look incredible.”

 

“Right.”

 

“No, really.” Something in Henry’s gaze softened. “You’re really beautiful.”

 

Maybe the alcohol was going to her head, but Lou wasn’t sure what to say.

 

“He’s right, you know. I know it’s not really your style, but every girl here is seething with jealousy right now.” Charles took a drink. “Enjoy it.”

 

Lou nodded. “Thanks for the ride, by the way.”

 

“No problem. I knew I’d have to be the sober sister anyway,” Charles responded, eyeing Henry, who had been watching Lou quietly.

 

“Will you dance with me later?” Henry played with a ring on his finger.

 

“Of course.”

 

Henry smiled. “Good. Need to occupy as much of your time as possible before I’m out of here forever.”

 

Lou nodded. She had garnered enough credits to graduate the previous December, but hadn’t applied to any universities. She intended to take a year off to figure out what came next. She was so unbelievably relieved to be done for now, but as the months crept by, she realized that the more she sat around without a plan, her father looming over her shoulder, the unhappier she would be. Starting this summer, Lou decided she would become far more proactive in taking control of her future – and Haley’s by extension.

 

Henry, on the other hand, had been accepted into one of the most prestigious business schools in the United States. Graduation was in five days and once he left home, Lou had no idea when she would see him again. She hated that. Losing Henry was like losing a part of herself.

 

Michael Jackson’s “Bad” poured out of the sound system and Henry rose to his feet, shaking a little, grabbing Charles’ hand. “I _love this song_ , let’s _gooooo_!” He winked at Lou and touched his finger to his nose. “Bye, Annie!”

 

“See you later!” Charles called out to Lou over his shoulder as Henry pulled him to the dance floor. “Jesus, slow down!”

 

The final hour dragged by and Lou spent her time observing. Rolling her eyes as Henry and Charles started to make out while slow dancing to “Time After Time”, feeling her cheeks burn as Marissa Andrews made eye contact with her, her hand tangled in her girlfriend’s hair.

 

Lou could count on one hand the number of girls in this room she had fooled around with. Some were very, very straight; some were not. Lou regretted all of them. She hoped against hope that the next one would be the one to last – it never was. She’d have sex just to feel something, but she never felt any actual _connection._

Maybe she’d unpack that one day.

 

But right now, she couldn’t help but feel lonelier than ever.

 

As the clock neared eleven, Lou quietly snuck out to find David. She found him with a handful of his friends, drunk out of their minds on the gymnasium floor, and pulled him to his feet.

 

“We have to get out of here soon,” she whispered.

 

“Yeah.” David swatted her arm away and smoothed his suit jacket. “See you later, guys. Gotta take care of Cinderella here.”

 

The group laughed, and Lou’s heels sounded like gunshots on the hardwood floor as she stalked towards the door.

 

As Lou and David made their way down the empty hall, Lou couldn’t help but feel uncomfortable as David’s fingers kept brushing against her own.

 

“So where do you want to do this? Outside?”

  
“Maybe?” David sounded tired and distracted.

 

“Okay, well, you pick, because Charles and Henry are – ”

 

Grabbing Lou by the wrist, making a sharp right turn, and pulling her into a nearby classroom, David lifted her atop a table and kissed her fiercely.

 

**********************************************************************************

**The following section contains an instance of non-consensual sex, extremely hateful language and homophobia. The sequence ends after the line of asterisks, similar to the one seen above. Feel free to skip ahead if you do not want to read this content. If you or someone you know has been sexually assaulted, the RAINN hotline number is 202-544-1034. You are loved, and you are not alone.**

 

When he pulled away, Lou, horrified, attempted to lead him out the door. “Okay. Come on. Let’s get back inside.”

 

“You look so fucking hot tonight.”

 

“Thanks. Let’s go.”

 

“Nah, baby. Let’s stay here, just you and me.” He pulled her to him once more, pinning her wrists behind her with one hand and grabbing at her breast with the other, his lips attacking her neck.

 

“David, _stop_.”

 

“Gonna treat you right, baby," he murmured, "Gonna give you what you need.”

 

“ _Let me go._ ”

 

David’s hand disappeared under her skirt and began traveling up her thigh, gripping her hip so tightly, Lou knew she would have a bruise in the morning. In one swift motion, David slid her hips across the table towards him so she was pressed against his chest and crotch. At Lou’s squeal of discomfort, David let out a deep groan.

 

“Fuck, you turn me on.”

 

Lou knew this happened to girls all the time. She highly suspected that Haley was the result of something just like this. But no matter how hard she tried, she just couldn’t get out of his grip.

 

As David grabbed the back of her head and tried to push her towards his now open fly, Lou twisted her neck and bit down hard on his wrist.

 

David yowled and immediately pushed Lou onto the table, flat on her back. She hit her head as she fell, seeing stars for about five seconds. When she blinked them away, David had crawled on top of her, and he slapped her hard across the face.

 

“Fuck you, bitch. You think you’re gonna get someone better than me? Dumb cunt. I lowered my standards _so_ much tonight. You know your dad _paid me_ to take you to this?”

 

Lou’s scream got caught in her throat as he tore her dress.

 

“Yeah. And _everyone_ knows. Everyone knows that you’re a dyke and that your family treats you like the piece of shit you are. I’m just surprised your daddy hasn’t fucked it out of you yet.” David’s hand wrapped around her throat as Lou’s hands came up to claw at it.

 

Her squirming came to a halt as she felt cool air between her legs and then nothing but searing pain, slow at first, then faster and faster, over and over and over again.

 

As David moved inside of her and it became more and more difficult to breathe, Lou stared at the eraser by the leg of the table. It must have fallen on the floor.

 

**********************************************************************************

 

All of a sudden, a rush of air came to her lungs and she coughed and coughed, David’s weight on top of her suddenly nowhere to be found.

 

Lou’s eyes focused just in time to see Henry’s fist land on David’s jaw in a clean right hook, Charles standing in the doorway, gasping, his hands over his mouth.

 

Lou pushed herself to an upright position and watched Henry kick the absolute shit out of David, punching him and pulling him up by his collar. Charles dashed over to the phone the teacher had on her desk.

 

“What the _fuck_?!”

 

David struggled to form words as blood poured from the cut on his hairline, Henry staring at him with wild eyes: “She was begging for it.”

 

“Oh, _fuck you!_ ”

 

David’s eyes fell on Lou. He laughed. “No one’s ever gonna love you. You’re _worthless._ ”

 

With that, David landed on the floor, unconscious after one more punch from Henry.

 

Charles was speaking on the phone in the background, discreetly but urgently, and hung it up as soon as Henry turned around. “Cops are on their way.”

 

Henry nodded frantically before letting go of David’s collar. He approached Lou cautiously, crouching at the table’s edge. Henry’s eyes were always gorgeous, always kind and sympathetic. But tonight, Lou looked right through them.

 

“Annie?”

 

Silence.

 

“Annie? Annie, it’s Henry. It’s Henry.”

 

Lou’s nails were digging into her knees so hard, they drew blood.

 

“Annie, can you look at me? Can you move?”

 

Her entire body shook.

 

“I’m...I’m going to touch your hand, okay? Just your hand. It’s just me.”

 

Charles moved from the desk back to the door. No one else was coming down the hallway.

 

As soon as Henry touched Lou’s hand, she yelped and pushed herself further back on the table. Henry jumped back and lifted his hands.

 

“Annie, it’s _okay._ We’re going to get help.”

 

Setting her feet on the ground, Lou’s knees buckled under her weight and Henry scrambled to catch her. Lou held a hand up right before he got to her.

 

“Don’t – don’t touch me!”

 

“Annie...”

 

Finally standing up, Lou pressed shaky fingers to her temples. The room was spinning and she swore she was going to vomit.

 

“Lou, the cops are on their way. We’re going to get you to the hospital, okay?”

 

Lou shook her head and held onto the raised edges of the chalkboard to steady herself. “No. No. I’m – I have to go.”

 

“Go _where_ , Annie?”

 

But Lou was already pulling off her heels and running down the hallway.

 

By the time Henry ran outside after her, she was nowhere to be found.

 

Her home was only thirty blocks away. It wasn’t too long of a run.

 

When she burst through the front door, hair disheveled, tears streaming down her face, dress falling off her body, heels in hand, it was 12:10 and her father was sitting at the head of the kitchen table.

 

He scowled and stood up calmly. “Go to your room. Now.”

 

Lou’s bottom lip shook. “No.”

 

“Excuse me?”

 

Lou was already on her way up the stairs, calling for Haley.

 

She burst into her little sister’s room, throwing on the light and shaking Haley from her slumber. “Come on, ladybug. Let’s go.”

 

Haley sat up and rubbed her eyes. “Annie? What time is it?”

 

“Where’s your passport?” Lou had gone into her room and was throwing things into a backpack.

 

“I...I think Daddy has it? I don’t know,” Haley stood behind her in the doorway. “Annie, what’s going on? You’re acting scary."

 

“Alice?!” James called from his place at the top of the staircase. “Wake up!”

 

“Haley, listen to me. Get your shoes on. We’re leaving, we’re going _right now._ Come on, bug.”

 

Lou shimmied out of her torn dress and threw on an old t-shirt and jeans. She tossed the dress into the backpack and grabbed an old cardboard box from under her bed.

 

“Annie, can – where did you get that _money_?” Haley’s eyes widened as she stared at the stacks and stacks of cash that Lou threw into the bag.

 

Lou shook her head and coughed. What was she supposed to _say_? That she’d been lifting watches and wallets from senior citizens after Sunday service and selling them on the black market since she was eight? Haley was her little sister, and Lou couldn’t tell her with a clear conscious if it was just for fun or if it had become a necessity.

“Don’t worry about it. Let’s go.”

 

Haley stood speechless in the doorway.

 

“Haley. _Now._ ”

 

“I’m not going.”

 

The color drained from Lou’s face. “What?”

 

“I don’t wanna go. I wanna stay here with Mommy and my friends.”

 

“Haley. I can’t stay here anymore, please. I have to leave. Please come with me. You have to come with me. I can’t leave you here.”

 

“No!”

 

“Haley.”

 

Haley stomped her tiny foot. “I don’t wanna! And you can’t make me!”

 

When James and Alice appeared in the doorway, James’ belt in his hand, Haley ran to Alice and hid between her legs.

 

“Louann, I’m going to give you ten seconds to think about what you’re doing.” James tightened his grip on the belt.

 

Taking one last look at Haley, Lou flew down the stairs and out the door, James hot on her heels.

 

She could hear the car engine starting behind her, but before he got anywhere, the police cars came roaring down her street and pulled into their driveway. Lou could just barely make out Henry and Charles’ heads in the backseat.

 

With her passport, her _real_ ID (she had plenty of fake ones on hand just in case), and her hair dyed a cheap black color in the airport bathroom, somehow Lou Miller got onto a plane.

 

(She stared at the torn dress in her bag before putting it in the holding compartment. Years later, she’d take it to her favorite tailor, ask for it to be made into a suit that eventually became the first thing acclaimed designer Rose Weil would see her wear. It would cost a pretty penny, but it was something she needed to do for her own sanity.)

 

She tried to sleep, but she just kept seeing eyes.

 

Her mom. The cloudiness.

 

Her dad. The hatred.

 

Henry and goodness.

 

Marissa and indifference.

 

David. David, over and over and over.

 

And Haley.

 

Haley and all of Lou’s hopes and dreams and nightmares and fears and _everything_ , all at once.

 

Questions flooded her mind, questions that she had no idea how to answer.

 

But as her plane landed, nearly a day later, Lou found herself hitting the ground running, as she so often did.

 

Because somehow, she was beginning a brand-new life.

**Author's Note:**

> asdfljasdfhjal well i know that was heavy and wow i really hope you don't hate me because things are gonna get worse before they get better AND it's gonna get a little.........................controversial..........................in miss miller's love life, to say the least.
> 
> (it should also be known that Henry is 100% based in name and looks on Henry Golding from Crazy Rich Asians adhkfasdhflj)
> 
> but stick around! we all know i'm all about a good ol' heist wives endgame :D
> 
> things you liked? things you hated? Leave me a comment! I love love love reading and responding to them and if you comment, I will send you one (1) cookie!
> 
> k love you bye <3


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